proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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