My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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