It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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