If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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