I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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