I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
