exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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