and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize