the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
