All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.