He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
