I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
