I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
