its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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