Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
