high people should be assigned attendants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Still dying that you shit outside
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
