It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is this the sara with the beer cane?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
