She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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