His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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