twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
