The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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