im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
