I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
