Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
