wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
