well I can't set my house on fire every night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
