its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
