Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
