btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
