God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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