I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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