it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
