it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
