Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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