he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
