A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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