is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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