I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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