Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
