Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
