Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
