I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
