I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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