guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
