btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
