proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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