I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
nutella sex= disaster
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
