I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
