did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
