I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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