I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
