Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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