Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
