...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
