Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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