I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
