So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
