I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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