My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
