Already got asked if we're dating
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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