we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
