so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
