Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
