I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
