Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
