You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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