I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Shame is for Republicans.
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