haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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