I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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